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Because apparently cardio can be fatal
🧠 Narrated by your flailing fact-juggler, Ned Neuron
“If I ever die while exercising, tell people it was during a pizza buffet brawl. I have standards.”
– Ned Neuron
📍Strasbourg, 1518.
The year TikTok trends went medieval.
One July morning, a woman named Frau Troffea walked into the street and just… started dancing.
No music.
No celebration.
No alcohol (allegedly).
Just aggressive 16th-century boogying.
She danced for hours. Then days.
And soon... others joined.
By the end of the week, dozens of townspeople were dancing nonstop.
Some reports say up to 400 people were eventually caught in this full-body glitch.
😵💫 And Then… They Started Dying
That’s right.
They didn’t stop.
Some collapsed from exhaustion.
Some had heart attacks.
Some just flopped down like overcooked spaghetti.
They danced themselves to death.
Let me repeat that louder for the Renaissance doctors in the back:
PEOPLE. DANCED. THEMSELVES. TO DEATH.
And no—this wasn’t a party gone wrong.
This was the world's deadliest flash mob.
What Was the Dancing Plague of 1518? Click Here…
🩺 What Did People Think Was Happening?
At the time, the local authorities were like:
“Hmm yes. Clearly these people need... more dancing.”
Actual solution:
They cleared out a grain hall, hired musicians, and told people to “dance it out.”
Historians call this the worst group therapy idea in recorded history.
It’s like watching someone drown and handing them a bottle of water.
🧬 But What Was It, Really?
Modern theories are all over the place, including:
Ergot poisoning – a moldy hallucinogenic fungus found in rye (a.k.a. diet LSD).
Mass psychogenic illness – collective stress causing people to lose it, together.
Religious hysteria – because medieval people blamed everything on either sin or Satan or your neighbor's suspicious cow.
Most likely?
It was a combo of stress, hunger, disease, and poor 16th-century Wi-Fi.
🎭 Ned’s Totally Accurate Timeline (Not Really™)
Day 1: “Haha look at Frau Troffea go!”
Day 3: “Is… is she okay?”
Day 5: “Why are Greg and Martha doing the Macarena too?”
Day 7: “WHY IS THERE A JUG BAND. STOP THIS.”
😩 Final Body Count?
Some reports say 15 people a day were dying at one point.
From pure physical collapse.
Like if your Zumba class slowly became The Hunger Games.
Eventually, the city took the dancers to a mountain shrine to pray.
The plague faded. The beat dropped.
The hype train stopped.
Nobody really knows why.
🧠 Ned’s Takeaway (Chaotic as Always):
The human brain can literally vibe itself into the afterlife.
Medieval science was just vibes, prayer, and blaming goats.
If I ever collapse from dancing, it better be to Beyoncé or I'm suing.
Also: this proves cardio is a scam. Stick to stretching and dramatic naps.
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Because if people in 1518 danced until they died…
Surely you can handle a goofy email.
Share this with your nerdiest friend—the one who reads footnotes for fun.
Because history should come with snacks and sarcasm.
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