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Because colonialism doesn’t stop just because the war did
🧠 Narrated by Ned Neuron, part-time history nerd, full-time "Wait, WHAT did they do!?" guy
“Imagine throwing a party for peace, then immediately punching your neighbor for asking to leave early.”
– Ned Neuron, while dodging angry baguettes
🕊️ May 8, 1945: Peace in Europe… but Not in Algeria
The world was celebrating.
VE Day — Victory in Europe — Hitler's done, Nazis are toast, time to pop some champagne and awkwardly hug people.
Meanwhile, in Algeria — still under French colonial rule — thousands of people took to the streets of Sétif to celebrate too.
But they weren’t just celebrating victory.
They were also saying:
“Hey France… since we helped fight your war, maybe we get freedom now?”
They carried banners.
They shouted pro-independence slogans.
And they dared to say things like:
“We’d like to govern ourselves.”
Cue the colonial record scratch.
🔥 France’s Response: Absolute Overkill
Instead of hearing their demands, the French authorities flipped the colonial panic switch.
Police opened fire on demonstrators
Things escalated fast — riots broke out, Europeans were killed in the chaos
And then France unleashed what can only be described as a full-on revenge fantasy with artillery
We’re talking:
Military crackdowns
Summary executions
Villages bombed by planes and naval ships (yes, seriously)
Thousands of Algerians arrested, tortured, or just… vanished
It was supposed to be a day of peace.
Instead, it turned into a massacre.
🩸 So… How Many Died?
That depends on who you ask:
France originally admitted to 1,000 Algerian deaths
Most modern estimates say it was at least 20,000 – 30,000
Some go even higher
That’s not a “scuffle.” That’s a colonial purge.
Meanwhile, France lost around 100 Europeans in the initial riots — tragic, yes —
but the response was like burning down a village because someone spilled wine.
🤡 Colonialism’s Darkest Party Trick: Hypocrisy
Let’s take a moment to appreciate the irony:
France fought Hitler in the name of freedom, democracy, and liberty
And then used the exact same fascist tactics to crush Algerian independence efforts
That’s like fighting off a burglar, then robbing your own roommate.
🧠 Ned’s “What Did We Learn?” Yawn Summary:
The Sétif Massacre wasn’t an isolated incident — it was the opening chapter of Algeria’s brutal path to independence
Colonialism didn’t end after WWII — it just rebranded
France celebrated peace while dropping bombs on civilians asking for freedom
This massacre is still under-taught and under-acknowledged
You know that friend who’s hot and historically clueless?
👉 Hit them with this.
Because colonialism didn’t end with handshakes — it ended with bombs, lies, and a very uncomfortable history lesson.
And if you’re the sexy one? Then congratulations — you get to explain it.
Where we explain the parts your history teacher definitely skipped.
Goofy tone, brutal truths, and Ned yelling about baguettes.
Because history didn’t stop being messy just because the textbooks ran out of pages.
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