Why the Ocean Tastes Salty Like Pretzel Juice

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Ahoy, Land-Dwellers!
It’s your favorite lab-coated lunatic, Ned Neuron, and today I’ve got one question rattling around in my overly-caffeinated brain:

Why is the ocean salty?
Like seriously—who spilled their salt shaker into the Atlantic? Was it Poseidon during a tantrum? Did whales just cry too hard?

Let’s dive in. Literally. But not really. I forgot my floaties.

Ned’s Totally Real Sea Adventure (Probably)

It all started when I tried to make spaghetti with ocean water.
Because I’m efficient.
And lazy.
And forgot to buy salt.

But when I took a sip of seawater (for science, obviously), my tastebuds slapped me and filed a formal complaint. It was disgustingly salty. Like licking a sweaty rock dipped in soy sauce.

So I did what any responsible scientist would do:
I stole a submarine.
(It was a pool float shaped like a shark. But still.)

The Salty Truth (With a Dash of Nonsense)

As I bravely paddled into the sea with a pool noodle and 3 stale granola bars, I had time to think. And scream. And research.

Here’s what I found:

1. It’s All the Rivers’ Fault