Stop Blaming Yourself | It’s Your Brain’s Fault, Trust Me

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It’s me again, Professor Ned Neuron, the only man to be banned from four science museums for “over-enthusiastic experiments involving cheese.” 🧀

Today, we’re diving into that three-pound diva in your skull:
Your Brain.

And let me tell you — she’s not just a mysterious organ.
She’s a whole mood.

🧠 Chapter 1: The Brain Has Main Character Syndrome

Let’s start with the basics.

Your brain is basically a spoiled genius that thinks the world revolves around it.

It controls everything — your thoughts, emotions, breathing, weird midnight cravings for cold spaghetti.

And yet?

It’s constantly doing dumb stuff like:

• Making you relive that awkward thing you said in 7th grade during job interviews.

• Randomly deciding 2AM is the perfect time to recall your ex's new dog’s birthday.

• Screaming “BEAR ATTACK” because your boss used a period in the group chat.

Why?

Because the brain is dramatic.
It evolved to protect you from danger…
But danger used to be lions.
Now it’s Reply-All emails.

🧪 Chapter 2: A Brief History of Brain Dumbness

Let’s rewind the neuron clock.

Back in caveman days, your brain was a survival machine.

It had ONE job: Don’t die.

So it developed:

• The amygdala to yell “PANIC!” at every noise.

• The hippocampus to remember which berries made Steve throw up blood.

• The prefrontal cortex to worry about taxes. (Okay that part came later.)

Fast-forward to today, and you’re still operating on caveman software.

You:

• Hear a door creak? Instant ninja stance.

• Get ghosted on Tinder? Brain goes “We are alone in the universe now.”

• See a shadow in the bathroom mirror? Full existential crisis.

This is why you can memorize 93 song lyrics but not your Wi-Fi password.

🚀 Chapter 3: I Got Fired from NASA and Here’s Why

Okay, personal story break.

I once worked at NASA.
Well, “worked” is a strong word.
I volunteered during a tour and wore a lab coat no one questioned.

I thought I could hack the human brain by launching a PB&J sandwich into low orbit and monitoring its neuro-spread trajectory.

They said, “That’s not how science works.”
I said, “That’s not how dreams work, Sharon.”

Long story short:
Don’t microwave aluminum foil in the break room.
Also, I’m legally banned from Florida.

🧃 Chapter 4: Fun Brain Facts You Can Pretend to Know at Parties

Here’s your science snack break:

• Your brain generates enough electricity to power a lightbulb.
  (Mine powers a lava lamp and a Roomba named “Regret.”)

• It has over 86 billion neurons.
  Which is roughly the same number of open browser tabs you forgot to close.

• The brain can’t feel pain.
  Which is why it keeps watching reality shows about people named “Brayden.”

• When dehydrated, your brain shrinks.
  So drink water or you’ll become the human equivalent of a dried raisin in a hoodie.

🛠️ Chapter 5: How to Outsmart Your Own Brain

Want to trick your brain into cooperating?

Here’s what I do:

• Name my brain: Mine is “Captain Impulse.” He panics and buys plants at Target.

• Set fake deadlines: My brain thrives under pressure. So I lie to it often.

• Use threats: Nothing motivates like saying, “Finish this or we’re going back to algebra.”

Also, don’t trust your brain at night.
After 11PM it becomes a poet, a philosopher, and a food critic.

🧪 Final Thought from Ned:

Your brain is amazing…
But also a petty, forgetful, snack-obsessed goblin.

Treat it well.
Feed it good stuff.
Laugh at it sometimes.

And remember:

So you're doing just fine.

🧨 SPREAD THE BRAIN FART:

Forward this to someone who argues with their GPS or names their houseplants.
Subscribe to GiiggleGuru’s Brain Fart Lab With Ned Neuron for more explosive science and scientific explosions.

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